Never Have I Ever
by superdupersk8r61
Summary: Maureen is bored one afternoon so the group gathers together to play a round of Never Have I Ever. But apparently, Mark HAS. First attempt at a humor fic. Please Read and Review!
1. The Name of the Game

**A/N:** Hey guys! So it's 3 in the morning and I can't sleep and since I wasn't feeling any inspiration for my chapter story, I decided I'd write a little one-shot. Or maybe a two-shot. Haven't really decided yet. Anyway, this is my first attempt at more of a humor story, so I'd love to know what you guys think. Much love to ya! Oh! Only 27 more days until I see Anthony and Adam in New York! WHEEEE!!! (I'm just a little excited) Okay. I'll shut up. Enjoy the story!

**Disclaimer: **The only thing I own that has to do with RENT is the DVD. That is all.

* * *

"I'm bored," Maureen Johnson announced loudly one afternoon while flipping through the channels on the T.V. 

Her partner, Joanne Jefferson, looked up from the kitchen table where she was working on her most recent case. "What else is new?" Joanne wondered sarcastically. With all her energy, Maureen was bored after sitting still for only a minute.

Maureen jumped up from the couch and bounded over to Joanne. "Let's do something fun today," she said, her eyes gleaming with possibility.

Joanne thought for a moment. "We could go to an art museum," she suggested.

The gleam in Maureen's eyes immediately disappeared as they went into a roll. "I think you must have misunderstood me, Pookie. I said _fun_, not _boring_," she said with a laugh.

It was Joanne's turn to roll her eyes. "You know, it wouldn't kill you to take in a little culture," she informed her.

Maureen's eyes wandered around the kitchen until they landed on something that piqued her interest. "You know what else wouldn't kill me to take in?" she asked, a sly smile appearing on her face. "Tequila!"

Joanne let out a loud sigh. "I thought you wanted to do something fun."

"When is tequila not fun?" Maureen asked, scoffing. "Besides," she continued, her grin widening. "I know a game we can play with it," she said, looking at Joanne, her eyebrows waggling mysteriously.

An hour later, Maureen and Joanne arrived at their friends' Mark and Roger's loft. They arrived to find the boys, along with their other friends, Mimi, Collins, and Angel, all engaged in conversation, waiting for them.

"Okay, listen up, everyone," Maureen announced, barging in through the door without even a knock. When she noticed everyone was talking, she blew a brown curl out of her face in exasperation and continued.

"Pay attention to me," she whined, finally getting the group to look at her.

"That's better," she said, satisfied. "The name of the game is "Never Have I Ever'."

Roger's face crinkled into one of confusion. "How do you play?" he asked.

Maureen's hands flew to her hips as she jutted on out. "If you would let me talk for two seconds, I would tell you, Roger."

Roger rolled his eyes. "Looks like someone put her cranky pants on this morning," he said to Mark.

"More like her diva pants," Mark offered, snickering.

"Is there a difference?" Roger asked, raising an eyebrow.

Maureen had had enough. "Hey! Mimi, a little help here?" she asked, motioning toward the girl's boyfriend and his roommate.

Mimi took the hint and smacked both Roger and Mark in the shoulder.

"Thank you," Maureen said, a smirk on her face.

"You're welcome," Mimi said, settling back against Roger.

"Excuse me!" Roger exclaimed, moving away, causing Mimi to fall against the couch. "You just hit me."

"I'm sorry," Mimi said, pulling herself back up, "but you'll get over it. Us girls gotta stick together. Besides," she said, a sly smile forming on her face, "you didn't mind when I was smacking you around last night."

A loud laugh was emitted from Collins. "That's my boy!" he exclaimed, his deep voice booming.

"That was way more information than I needed to know," Joanne said as she shook her head.

The expression on Mark's face was one of utter pain. "You think it's bad hearing about it? Try living through it," he said, looking rather queasy.

"Oh, Mark," Mimi said, turning to him. "Were we really that loud?"

"I would have rather listened to Roger play Musetta's Waltz all night," he said seriously.

Angel grimaced. "That is bad," she said, sympathy for Mark evident in her voice.

"Tell me about it," Mark muttered, shaking his head violently, trying to expel all the graphic images that were starting to appear in his head.

Mimi reached over to pat Mark's hand comfortingly. "Don't worry, Marky. We'll try to keep it down next time."

"That's all I ask," Mark said gratefully.

"GUYS!" Maureen exclaimed, frustrated that the focus had shifted off her. "Can we please turn the attention back to me?"

"Diva pants," Roger muttered under his breath, but, of course, also loud enough for everyone to hear.

Maureen shot an evil look at him, but decided to ignore it. "As I was trying to say before I was so_ rudely_ interrupted," she said, glaring straight at Roger. "'Never Have I Ever' is easy. Everyone takes turns saying something they've never done. Anyone who has, has to take a shot," she said, digging through her oversized purse and producing a bottle of tequila along with seven shot glasses.

"How do you win?" Joanne asked.

"It isn't about winning, silly Pookie," Maureen said, laughing slightly. "It's about who has done the stupidest stuff. And of course, who gets the drunkest!" she exclaimed with a squeal.

"Count me in," Collins announced, throwing his feet up on the coffee table made of milk crates. "I'm down for anything that has to do with alcohol."

"Yeah, it sounds fun," Angel said excitedly.

"Can I start?" Roger asked.

Maureen waved her hand at him. "Be my guest."

"Okay. Never have I ever," Roger began, turning his head slowly to look at his roommate. "...been dumped by a girl...for another girl," he finished, unable to hold back his snickering.

Mark's face immediately turned a very interesting shade of red. "Oh, come _on_! That's not fair!" he exclaimed loudly.

His exclamation warranted mutual reaction throughout the entire group: laughter.

"Will everyone please just SHUT UP?!" Mark yelled through all the laughter.

Roger was laughing the hardest of everyone. "I'm sorry, man. I couldn't not do that. It was too easy," he said, taking long, slow, deep breaths to keep himself from hyperventilating.

"Cheap shot, Rog. Cheap shot," Collins said, even though he, too, was in fact laughing.

"Well, I thought it was nicely played," Maureen said, shrugging her shoulders.

"Time to take a shot, Mark," Roger teased.

"Fine," Mark grumbled, pouring the alcohol into his glass. "But just remember, my dear roommate...karma's a bitch. Because, of course, this means that I get to go next."

Roger's jaw dropped. He would have never thought Mark had the balls to say something like that, and that worried him slightly. "Maureen!" he whined, looking at the unofficial referee to see if Mark's threat could hold up.

"Actually, Roger, technically he's right," she said, her voice showing genuine sympathy. "Rules say that whoever takes a shot gets to ask the next question."

Hearing that, Roger began to feel very uneasy and his face paled. "This isn't going to be pretty," Collins whispered to Angel, noticing the musician's reaction.

"Why do you say that?" Angel asked, intrigued.

"These guys have been friends for years. Mark's bound to have incriminating dirt on Roger that the rest of us don't know," he explained.

And by the evil look on Mark's face, it was safe to assume that Collins was correct in his observation. "Let's see..." Mark began, looking Roger dead in the eye. "Never have I ever...run naked through Tompkins Square Park."

"Mark!" Roger exclaimed. "It was the one time I lost a bet," he muttered, visibly embarrassed.

The rest of the group, however, found it hysterical. "Oh, my God. I would have paid big money to see that." Mimi said, laughing.

"You don't have big money," Angel reminded her teasingly.

"Shut up!" Mimi exclaimed, but still laughing, however, because it was definitely the truth.

Roger smiled at Mimi goofily, having gotten over his temporary embarrassment. "It's not like it would have been anything you hadn't seen before," he said, planting kiss on her forehead.

Mimi considered that for a moment. "This is true," she said, returning his gesture by pressing her lips against his.

"Ahem!" Collins's not-so-subtle throat clear interrupted the lovebirds before they got too carried away.

"Oh right," Roger said, finally pulling himself away from his girlfriend. He filled his shot glass and downed it. "Guess this means that it's my turn again," he said, looking triumphantly at Mark.

The grin that had been on Mark's face from successfully embarrassing Roger quickly faded as he thought about what his actions meant. By forcing Roger to take a drink, it meant that the musician could once again call the shots. Literally.

Roger laughed when he was the panicked look on his friend's face. "Quit worrying. I'll play fair. I won't purposefully name anything I know you've done."

Mark rolled his eyes as he muttered, "Yeah, I'm _so_ sure."

Roger grinned and thought of a new question. "Never have I ever had sex with anything plastic," he said randomly.

It was no surprise to any of those present the Maureen grabbed the bottle of tequila, but what did come as a shock was the sight of Mark outstretching his hand to Maureen so she could give the bottle to him.

"Wait..." Roger trailed off, studying the blonde man carefully. "You have?" he asked curiously. When he received no response from Mark, he began laughing so hard that he fell off the couch. Once he regained his composure long enough to form coherent sentence, he climbed back on the couch to look at his roommate who was completely red.

"I'm sorry, Mark," Roger said honestly, even though he was laughing. "I really wasn't trying to get you, man. I was aiming for Maureen."

"When the hell did you do that?" Collins asked, staring dumbfounded at Mark.

"Oh no," Mark said hurriedly, waving his hands in front of his face. "We are _not_ going there."

"I will!" Maureen exclaimed, always looking for little more attention. "This one time, when I was in art class-"

"Okay, that's enough," Joanne intervened quickly. "No need to explain."

Maureen pursed her lips together in her infamous pout. "Well, you guys wanted to hear Mark's story," she said, a little hurt.

"But we all expected it from you, honey." Angel said seriously as the others nodded their heads in agreement.

"Fine. Whatever," Maureen said, crossing her arms in anger. "But I'm asking a question since Marky's already had a turn."

Mark was more than willing to concede to her. Maybe that way he and Roger will end their cycle of torture. "Fair enough."

"Okay," she said with a satisfied smile. "Never have I ever..." she began, thinking of an appropriate question. "No wait. I_ have_ done that," she said, giggling.

She thought about it for a moment more. "And that. And-"

"Oh, for godssake, Maureen, ask a damn question." Roger barked impatiently.

"I'll go," Joanne volunteered. She figured it would be a while before Maureen thought of something the others would have done that she hadn't. "Never have I ever had sex in my parent's bedroom."

Collins, Maureen, and Roger each had to take a shot.

Roger looked between Maureen and Collins in confusion."What happens now that three of us had to take shots? Who asks the next question?" he asked Maureen.

"Well, we all know there's nothing that I haven't done," she said with a sly smile on her face, "and Roger, you've already gone, so my vote's for Collins."

Roger seemed satisfied with that reasoning and motioned for Collins to go.

"Okay, never have I ever dressed up in womens clothing," he said, sending a smirk at Angel.

"Talk about a cheap shot," Angel said, adjusting her wig as she threw back the shot Collins had filled for her.

Then, six heads turn to stare at Mark as he fills a glass. "Let's just say Roger's not the only one to have ever lost a bet," he said, throwing back a shot. "Do _not_ ask," he warned.

Mark's statement, however, did not stop the comments from flying out of the gang's mouths.

"Did anyone take pictures?" Collins asked.

"By any chance were you wearing heels?" Mimi wanted to know.

"What about make-up?" Maureen asked, almost in tears.

"What color was the dress?" asked Joanne.

"I'll bet it was low cut, wasn't it?" Angel stated.

"I'm sure you looked ravishing, Mark," Collins said through bursts of laughter, patting Mark sympathetically on the shoulder.

"How did I not know about this?" Roger asked, looking strangely hurt.

"Angel, you go," Mark said, once again turning red and eager to move on.

She flashed him a huge grin."I thought you'd never ask. Hmm... Never have I ever known how to tango."

Mark and Joanne shared a knowing smile and they filled their glasses.

"Joanne, you can ask a question," Mark said, not wanting to have to endure the wrath of Roger anymore.

She was more than willing to come up with a question. "Never have I ever kissed a boy," she said with a laugh.

The tequila bottle made its way from Mimi, to Collins, to Angel, to Maureen, and even to Mark.

Once again, everyone could only just stare at him. "Jesus Christ, Mark! What aren't you telling us?" Roger exclaimed, trying his damnedest to surpress his laughter.

By this point, Mark wasn't even bothering to feel embarrassed. It just wasn't worth it. "Okay, so maybe I've lost more than one bet," he muttered, pushing his glasses up the bridge of nose.

"Take your shot, Marky!" Maureen exclaimed gleefully. Clearly, she was enjoying seeing Mark squirm.

Mark cooperated and drank the liquid. "You know," he said, looking at his friends thoughtfully. "I'm no good at this game. I've taken shots for practically every question so far."

"Or, if you really think about it, maybe you're too good at this game," Collins observed.

"Why don't you let me ask a question?" Mark asked, getting slightly fed up. "That way, it guarantees that I won't have to drink this round."

"Oh, no. No way. I haven't gone yet." Mimi spoke up, flashing Mark and evil grin.

Mark looked desperately at Maureen, who just shrugged her shoulders. "Girl's got a point, Mark," she said, looking at him sympathetically.

A loud groan emitted from the filmmaker as he threw his head back against the couch in frustration. Mimi, meanwhile, was excited to finally get her turn."Yay! Okay, let's see... " she began, turning to face Mark, who, from the look of the dancer's face, knew where it was heading."Never have I ever filmed a documentary."

"Now you're trying to pick on me!" Mark exclaimed incredulously.

"Easy on the conspiracy theories there, buddy," Collins said, laughing.

"Conspiracy theories!?" Mark shouted, jumping up from the couch. "'Never have I ever filmed a documentary?! Seriously?!" he asked, his arms failing in frustration.

"Maureen?" Mimi questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Maureen pretended to think for a moment, but an evil smirk was plastered across her face. "I'll allow it!" she announced joyously.

Mark could only shake his head as he poured himself yet another drink. "This is going to be a long afternoon," he said to himself before pouring the bitter liquid down his throat for the sixth, but from the looks of things, probably not the last, time that afternoon.

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**A/N: **I'm thinking of writing a second part to this where we find out what affect all that alcohol has had on our favorite group of Bohemians. What do you think? 


	2. A New Game

**A/N:** Okay, so I know it's been about a month since I but up the first part of this story, but my computer broke and I was without one for a few weeks. Blah. Anyway, I finally finished this part, but when I was writing it it realized that there is potential for a short chapter story...let me know what you think and enjoy! OH! omg! I saw Adam and Anthony in RENT a couple of weeks ago...best day of my life! SIGH! okay...I'm done now...

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own anything.

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"My turn!" Angel gleefully announced, her words slightly slurred.

The group had been playing "Never Have I Ever" for a while by then, and were all in varying states of drunkenness. Joanne, by far, was the most sober since she hadn't done anywhere near the type of crazy thing her friends had done. At the opposite end of the spectrum, Mark could be considered "wasted". Actually, Mark was really the only one who could be considered drunk. The others took great delight in purposefully saying things that they knew Mark would have done.

Collins picked up the bottle of tequila and shook it. "Umm, Ang?" he said with a smirk. "Looks like there's a little bit of a problem."

Mark, who was across the room, looked at the bottle through squinted eyes. "Is that empty?" he asked, getting up to lean in for a closer look.

Collins nodded. "Thank Buddha. That means my torture is over," Mark said with a relieved sigh and he toppled over onto the floor. Well technically, on top of Maureen who was lying on the ground.

"Oof!" gasped Maureen, the wind knocked right out of her. "Get off of me, you drunk," she said, rolling out from under Mark, causing him to land on the floor with a "thump."

"I'm not drunk," Mark insisted.

"Bullshit you're not," Maureen shot back, pulling herself into a sitting position, her back against the couch.

Mark remained lying on the floor on his back. "Am _not_," he reiterated, his voice dangerously bordering a "whine."

"I know how to solve this one." Roger announced.

He walked over to his fallen roommate. "How many fingers?" he asked, leaning over and waving his fingers in Mark's face."

Mark's face furrowed into a look of confusion as he stared at Roger's waggling fingers. "Uhh…eleventy-seven?" he guessed.

Roger shrugged. "Eh. Close enough," he decided, offering Mark his hand to help pull him up into a sitting position.

"See? Told you," Mark announced gleefully toward Maureen.

Mark's gaze then wandered around the room until it landed on Mimi. He looked at her as though he had never seen her before. But before long, a look of realization crossed his face. "Oh, my God! I _know _you!" he squealed excitedly. Then suddenly, the confused look returned to his face. "But I can't remember how."

Mimi stared at the filmmaker in amusement. "Maybe because I'm dating your best friend?" she asked seriously, playing along, trying to hide the laughter in her voice.

Mark tilted his head to the side and considered that for a moment. "No…That's not it," he decided.

"Because I've been living here for months?" Mimi asked, smirking.

"I don't think so," Mark said, shaking his head fervently.

"Well, how about-" Mimi began, about to try again before she was cut off by Mark.

"I _got_ it!" he announced, jumping up in excitement, although perhaps a little too quickly because he promptly toppled back over. "You're the dancer who gave me a lap dance that one time at the Cat Scratch Club!" he revealed, unfazed by his fall.

Roger turned to Mimi, his eyebrow shooting up. "Oh, so _that's_ how you two met," he said, clearing enjoying this.

"The truth comes out," Joanne said, snickering.

"It was a _hot _dance," Mark said, getting back up. "It was all like…" he made a move like he was about to dance but abruptly stopped. "Collins, give me a beat."

Collins stared at Mark as if he were nuts. "Why would you assume I can drop a beat. It's because I'm black, ain't it?" he asked, feigning offense.

"Collins, honey. You _can_ beat-box," Angel stated slowly, as if she was speaking to a child. "We've all heard it."

A huge smile crossed Collins' face. "Oh yeah," he said jokingly and began beat-boxing to the tune of "My Prerogative."

Mark began slowly, just bopping his head to the beat. But it quickly progressed to the head bop plus the booty shake. And from there, he shimmied over to Angel and promptly straddled her and began grinding on her. His hips were moving back and forth and his arms were flailing everywhere. It was quite a sight to see.

The group dissolved into a fit of hysterical giggles. "Ooo, yeah! Work it, Marky!" Maureen called, egging him on.

Angel was laughing the hardest of everyone. She even got into it herself, every-so-often giving Mark a playfully slap on the butt.

The "dancing" went on until Collins stopped beat-boxing. When it was over, Mark simply slid off of Angel and wandered over to the kitchen area without a word, as though nothing unusual had just occurred.

The rest of the Bohemians stared at each other in stunned silence until Mimi finally broke it.

She turned to Roger slowly, a nauseous look on her face. "Is that really what I look like when I dance?" she asked worriedly.

Roger slunk his arm across his girlfriend's shoulders. "Of course not," he reassured her.

Mimi breathed a sigh of relief and allowed herself to relax in his arms. "Oh, thank God."

"Mark's dancing was better," Roger said, laughing.

Offended, Mimi smacked him on the shoulder and wiggled her way out of his embrace and moved across the room from him.

Mark's voice rang out from the kitchen. "Thanks, Rog!"

"Anytime, buddy," Roger called back, still snickering.

Mimi, channeling the spirit of a five-year old, stuck her tongue out at her boyfriend.

"Oh, come on, Meems. It was joke," Roger said, trying to get back in her good graces.

She decided to ignore him. "You know, Mark. I don't remember ever seeing you at the club. When was it?" she asked, turning back to shoot Roger a glare.

Mark pondered the question for a moment, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "Umm…it would have been about a year or so ago."

Maureen, who had been making out with Joanne, shot up when she heard Mark's answer. "Hey! Wouldn't you have been dating me then?" she asked with a pout.

Collins turned to Maureen, an amused smirk plastered on his face. "Guess you just can't keep your men satisfied, Maureen."

"She doesn't seem to have that problem with women," Joanne murmured under her breath.

Maureen, who didn't hear Joanne's comment, dropped her jaw in offense. "That's not what Roger said!" she shouted defensively.

Roger's eyes widened to the size of saucers. "Maureen!" he whispered urgently, his eyes trying to telepathically tell her to shut that giant mouth of hers.

Mimi, who up until then had been ignoring her boyfriend, suddenly turned back to him in interest. "Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Someone wanna tell me what's going on here?" she questioned.

Maureen and Roger seemed to go into a stare down and neither had any intention of answering the dancer. So, Mark took it upon himself to clear things up. "This one time, when I came home from filming, I found Maureen and Roger, my girlfriend and my _best_ friend, going at it on the couch," he stated simply before continuing to wander around the kitchen.

Angel, Collins, and Mimi, all who had been sitting on the couch, simultaneously jumped up upon hearing of the illicit act that occurred where they had been sitting, looks of disgust on their faces.

"Roger!" Mimi shouted in shock. "Maureen!? Seriously?!"

"Oh, _you're_ one to talk," Roger shot back, rolling his eyes. "You dated Benny!"

"Hey!" Mimi exclaimed, walking over to smack her boyfriend.

Maureen shrugged. "I always thought Benny was pretty sexy."

"Hey!" Joanne exclaimed, smacking her girlfriend.

Collins and Angel were hysterically, watching the interaction between the lovers. Mark also watched, but quietly from the kitchen.

"Guys?" he called, trying to get his friends' attention.

No one heard him, however. "Oh, don't worry, Pookie. I look, but I don't touch," Maureen purred, pulling Joanne into an embrace, looking for forgiveness.

"Psst. I beg to differ." Roger said, under his breath, but loud enough for everyone to hear, causing Mimi to smack him once again and causing Collins and Angel to laugh even harder.

Mark continued watching the action. Mimi and Roger were arguing, Joanne and Maureen were arguing, and Collins and Angel were whispering to each other, offering commentary on the fights to each other.

"Guys?" Mark called once again, but was once again unheard.

"Guys?" he tried again, only to be shot down again.

"HEY, GUYS!" he shouted loudly, finally getting everyone to stop what they were doing and turn to him.

However, now that he had their attentions, he wasn't sure what to do with it. He stood there awkwardly for a moment until he let out the first thing that came to mind.

"CAW!" he shouted.

The only response he got was six blank stares. "I'm a raven," he clarified. Still no response. "You know…a raven?" he tried again. "CAW!"

When no one said anything to him, he just shrugged began galloping around the kitchen, flapping his arms like he was flying.

"Maybe it wasn't the best idea to force Mark to take the most shots," Angel observed.

Roger shot her a look. "Ya think?" he asked sarcastically.

Something lying in the corner of the room caught Maureen's eye, and a plan immediately began forming in her mind. "Hey, guys. I have an idea," she announced, a wicked tone in her voice.

Collins crossed his arms and regarded her suspiciously. "You know, every time you say that, Maureen, someone ends up drunk, hurt, or arrested. Sometimes all three. Like that one time-"

Rolling her eyes, Maureen cut him off. "Says the guy who ran naked through the Parthenon."

"Excuse me! I was protesting-"

She cut him off once again. "Believe me, if there's anyone who understands protests, it's me. But seriously, this is a great idea."

"What is it, Maureen?" Joanne asked skeptically.

"It's another game," she said, looking around the group excitedly. "You know how Mark is always filming us, generally annoying the living hell out of us, right?" she asked.

Everyone turned toward the kitchen where Mark was contently flapping his arms and CAWing away, totally oblivious to what was going on around him. "Right?" Maureen asked again, urging her friends on.

All five heads nodded in agreement.

"Well, I say it's time we turn the tables. Give Mr. Filmmaker a taste of his own medicine," Maureen said, rubbing her hands together, like movie villains do when they are explaining their evil plans.

"What do you have in mind?" Roger asked excitedly, having been the subject of Mark's incessant filming most often.

"We each take turns trying to convince Marky to do something crazy. Whoever gets him to do or say the stupidest thing wins," she explained.

"What do we win?" Mimi wanted to know.

Maureen grinned wickedly. "The satisfaction of getting to ridicule him every waking moment of his life."

Roger let out a loud laugh. "Sounds good to me."

"Wait. I don't get it," Angel said, looking slightly confused. "How is that giving him a taste of his own medicine?"

"Well, Angel, my dear," Maureen began, walking over to the corner of the room and picking up Mark's beloved camera. "We film the whole thing of course."

Maureen turned back to look at Mark. "Look at him," she said, addressing the group. "He's not going to remember a thing tomorrow. Can you imagine how much fun it'll be tomorrow when he sees this tape?"

"Maureen, you are pure evil," Collins told her admiringly.

A smug smile played on the diva's lips. "It's a gift."

Joanne, thought about Maureen's plan. "Okay, but how do you know he's going to go for it?" she asked practically.

"Please. Watch this," Maureen scoffed, her voice confident.

"Hey, Marky!" she called, getting him to finally cease his repeated CAWing. "I dare you to give Roger a kiss," she said, giggling.

"Yeah right. Nice try, Maureen," Roger said, his voice telling her that she was insane. He's never gonna go for-"

Roger's statement was cut off, however, by Mark stumbling over to his roommate and planting a big, wet one right on Roger's cheek.

"You're my best friend, Rog," he slurred, and promptly stumbled back to the kitchen where he began repeatedly opening and closing the refrigerator door.

Roger just stood there in shock for a moment, the event that just happened registering in his mind. "Ahh!" he shouted loudly, frantically wiping his face with the back of his hand. "Albino germs!"

Maureen grinned at Roger triumphantly before turning back to the rest of the group. "Mark will do anything if he's drunk enough," she explained. "How else do you think I got him to try that position where I bent-"

"Okay! That's enough!" Joanne exclaimed, clamping her hand over Maureen's mouth. "That's _way _more information that I needed, or ever wanted, to know."

"Hey, guys!" Mark called, still off in his own little world. "There's a little flashing light in the fridge. I think it might be a UFO." he said, lowering his voice to an excited whisper.

Roger shook his head in disbelief. "The light's flashing because you keep opening and closing the door, dumbass."

"Nuh-uh! It's a UFO!" Mark insisted.

"Idiot," Roger groaned, beginning to get frustrated. "It's because-"

"Roger," Mimi said, placing her hand on his arm. "Let it go."

"No point in arguing with him," Collins told him.

"See?" Maureen asked excitedly, happy that Mark was helping illustrate her point. "The man's a moron when intoxicated. There's nothing he won't do. This will be so much fun," she squealed, clapping her hands eagerly.

"That's it. I'm in," Roger decided, feeling like his obliterated roommate would only be getting what he deserved.

"Me too," Angel added.

"Okay," Maureen said, holding out the camera. "Who wants to be the first in Operation: Humiliate Mark So Badly That His Giant Pasty Face Will Turn An Abnormally Dark Shade Of Red? Or, Operation: HMSBTHGPFWTAADSOR for short."

Collins stared at her for a moment. "Do you lie in bed at night thinking of these things?" he asked.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," she answered innocently.

A voice rang out from the group of five Bohemians. "I'll go first!"

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**A/N:** So I'm thinking of adding a chapter for each person and their plan for our poor Marky. What do you guys think? 


	3. Angel's Game

**A/N:** Okay, yes, I feel terrible for not updating for like 3 months. But yesterday, as I was sitting at home, depressed, because the ANTHONY RAPP concert I was supposed to go to last night was CANCELLED, I decided I should dig this story up from the grave. So, without any more delay, here is the first "evil plan" for poor, drunken Marky. Please Read and Review! Love you guys!

**Disclaimer:** Don't own anything except the RENT DVD. OH! And a picture of me and Adam Pascal from his Nov 9th concert in Charlotte. SIGH! Okay, I'm done now. Also, I don't own the song in the story. Not gonna say what it is, 'cuz it's a surprise. But I don't own it. Obviously. Oh wells...okay, I'm definitely done now.

* * *

Angel looked around the little group with an innocent smile, but at the same time had an evil twinkle in her eye. "Whatcha got, Angel?" Maureen asked with excited curiosity. 

Angel eyed Mark, who had abandoned his hunt for the UFO in the refrigerator and was now talking animatedly to an old head of lettuce. "So you guys know that really uptight old lady who lives across the hall?" she asked, turning her attention back to her friends.

All five heads nodded in agreement. They all knew her. She was practically banging on their door every night, shouting at them to "keep it down." "Watch this," Angel said, her innocent smile sliding easily into a evil one, matching the look in her eyes. "Maureen, get the camera rolling."

"Hey, Marky?" she asked cheerfully, quickly changing her tone. "Marky?" she asked again, bounding over to where the filmmaker was.

"Angel!" Mark exclaimed, dropping his new "friend" on the floor, causing "him" to roll across the floor and settling underneath the couch. "Oh my, God, I am _SO_ glad you're here!"

Angel bit her lip, trying to hide her obvious amusement from Mark. "I've been standing about four feet away from you this whole time."

Mark jutted out his bottom lip, a la Maureen, and pondered that for a moment. "Yeah, well, you might as well been in…" he trailed off, furrowing his brow, obviously lost in thought.

"…you know…"Mark tried again, still searching for the right word. "…that place really far away?" was what he finally came up with.

"California?" Joanne supplied, trying to be helpful.

"China?" Mimi guessed.

"No!" Mark exclaimed, frustrated. "You know...the place with all those fancy pantsy people," he said, looking at his friends like they should know what the hell he was talking about. "It's like really, _really _far away?"

Roger thought about Mark's "clues" (if you could even call them that) for a second. "England?" he guessed.

Mark shook his head. "Wait!" he exclaimed, his blue eyes lighting up. "I got it! The Upper East Side!" he proudly announced.

Everyone, apart from Mark, dissolved into a fit of laughter. "The Upper East Side?" Roger asked incredulously, raising an eyebrow.

Collins took a couple of deep breaths, trying to ease his laughter so he could speak. "Give him some credit, Roger. It is quite a few blocks away," his said, his eyes wet from tears.

Mark looked at his friends as they continued to laugh at him, an extremely distressed look appearing on his face. "Why are you guys laughing at me?" he asked, his voice quivering and eyes glistening.

Angel shot her friends a "look" and put her arm around Mark, pulling him into a comforting hug. "Aww, don't be sad, Marky. I'm here."

"Right!" he exclaimed brightly, forgetting his momentary humiliation. "Now we can sing! I'll Ariel and you can be Sebastian. Ready?" he asked excitedly.

And before poor Angel could even respond, Mark's voice rang out in song. "SHA LA LA LA LA LA DON'T BE SHY!" Although, "rang out" might not be the correct phrase to describe it. Something like, "screeched out like a dying cat" might be more accurate.

"Those _so_ aren't the words," Mimi muttered, almost sounding offended as she blew a stray piece of hair out of her face.

Angel looked back to the other five, wondering how to proceed. No words were exchanged, but the looks on their faces urged her to continue. "Um, Marky?" she asked calmly.

"SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING KISS DA GIRL!" Mark continued belting, oblivious to Angel's attempts to converse to him.

"Marky?" she tried again.

But like the first attempt, Mark took no notice and just continued to butcher the classic Disney song. "SHA LA LA LA LA LA!"

"You know, we might not even have to provoke him. He's being enough of an idiot with his own free will," Roger whispered to Maureen.

"True," Maureen whispered back while keeping her eyes on Mark who was now shimmying around the kitchen, "but I still think we gotta put the stupid ideas in his head. It will be much more satisfying that way."

Roger pursed his lips in thought. "Agreed," he promptly decided.

"SOMETHING SOMETHING KISS DA GIRL!"

Rolling her eyes, Mimi let out a loud groan of frustration. "Angel, you have to put a stop to this. I think my ears are starting to bleed."

"Yeah," Joanne, who had long since thrown her hands over her ears, added. "Besides, we all wanna know your plan," she said, looking to the others for confirmation.

Angel saw everyone nodding their head in agreement with Joanne. "Okay, okay," she said, taking a deep breath.

"Marky?" she tried once again, this time tapping him lightly on the shoulder.

But of course, Mark didn't notice. "SHA LA LA LA LA!"

By that point, Angel had had it. "MARK!" she shouted right into his ear.

This time, she was successful. "What? Mark asked, looking at Angel innocently, like everything was completely normal.

"Umm…" Angel stalled for a moment. She hadn't thought about how she was going to proceed once she had her drunken friend's attention. I thought I was supposed to be Sebastian," she supplied lamely.

Mark knitted his eyebrows together, thinking about this. "Oh, right. Sorry," he said, wrapping Angel up in an apologetic hug.

"Yeah, that's fine," Angel said, prying Mark's skinny arms off of her. "But hey, listen. Why don't we sing some other time? I've got a great idea."

Mark's eyes widened in anticipation. "Ooo! What is it? What is it?" he asked, bouncing up and down like a kid at Christmastime.

"Well, you know how Collins and Roger have both run around naked in public places?" Angel asked, slyly looking toward the offenders, trying to hide a smile that was trying to appear on her lips.

"Oh, Jehovah, this can't be good," Collins said to Roger.

"Definitely not," Roger agreed, almost scared to hear what was coming next.

"Well, they're starting the 'Naked In Public Places…" Angel trailed off, looking for the right word. "League…Extraordinaire," she finished with a snicker. "Or 'NIPPLE' for short," she said, unable to hold in her giggles any longer.

However, Mark didn't take any notice of Angel's laughter, and took her completely seriously. "I wanna be a NIPPLE!" he exclaimed.

On the other side of the room, Maureen beamed, proud of Angel and her evil genius-ness. Or whatever the right word was. "This is almost too easy," she said, smiling excitedly behind the camera.

"Not going to lie, I'm a little scared," Mimi admitted, slightly inching closer to Roger, as if he would protect her.

Angel put her arm around Mark's shoulders, pulling him close like she was letting him in on a piece of super secret information. "They told me that in order to join, all you have to do it run around the building once."

"That's easy!" Mark scoffed.

Angel glanced at her friends, giving them an evil smile before turning back to Mark. "Naked."

"Okay," Mark replied without hesitation and immediately dropped his pants and boxers.

"My eyes!" Roger shrieked like a little girl as he darted behind Mimi for protection.

At this point Angel was holding back her urge to laugh with everything she had, not wanting to blow it. "We'll wait for you. And when you get back you will officially be a NIPPLE," she said as seriously as she could.

"YES!" Mark exclaimed, pumping his fist into the air before stripping off his shirt and heading for the door.

"Oh, and, Marky?" Angel called.

"Yeah?" he asked, turning around, in full glory, for all his friends to see.

"Don't forget that you live in apartment 406."

"Wait," Mimi spoke up. "Isn't this 40-"

Angel's head shot around so quickly that Mimi thought it was going to snap off. "_Mimi_!" Angel whispered urgently, her eyes telling the dancer to shut up.

Roger peered around from his hiding place behind Mimi. "406 is the apartment of the old lady," he told her.

"Oh," Mimi said, not really sure what the point was. However, after thinking about it for a second, her eyes widened in recognition. "OH! I get it now," she said giggling, both at what she now knew was going to happen and at herself for being a bit slow.

"You are such a blonde," Collins said, rolling his eyes.

Angel, choosing to ignore the banter going on on the other side of the room, turned her attention back to Mark. "Okay, ready?" she asked.

Mark nodded. Angel continued, "On your mark!" she started, before giggling a bit. "Hey, that's kinda funny. On your mark. Mark."

"Angel, sweetie," Collins interrupted, clearly not as amused as the little pun as Angel was. "The club?" he reminded her.

"Oh, right," Angel said, shaking her head to refocus at her task at hand. "On your mark," she began again. "Get set. GO!"

Right at "GO!", Mark flew out the door. Angel then flew to door and promptly shut and locked it. She looked at her friends for a moment and them as if on cue, all 6 of them flew to the window just in time to see Mark leave the front door of the building.

Once he got outside, he stopped and looked around hesitantly. He noticed the people watching him curiously. But after only a second, he shrugged them off and took off.

"Oh my, God, I can't believe he's actually doing this," Mimi said, covering her eyes with her hands and walking away from the windows, along with Angel, Collins, and Joanne, just leaving Maureen running along with windows with the camera, trying to keep up with Mark.

"See?" Maureen asked, smiling gleefully as she ran. "I knew we could get him to do anything."

Joanne could only shake her head. "He's going to get arrested," she said, while inwardly asking herself what argument she possibly use to bail Mark out of this one.

"Relax, Pookie. He'll be fine," Maureen said confidently.

"Maureen's right, Joanne," Roger added, who was still was standing by the windows. "He may be skinny, but the little guy can _run_. Check it out," he said, nodding outside.

Mimi, Angel, Collins, and Joanne went back to the windows and saw Mark coming around the building to the front with astonishing speed. They watched him reenter the building and heard him starting to come up the stairs.

"Now what?" Mimi asked curiously.

"Just wait," Angel answered, waggling her eyebrows cryptically.

So they waited. They waited and listened to the footsteps coming closer and closer, until they veered off to the left.

"Here it comes," Angel announced excitedly.

All of a sudden, a bloodcurdling scream came from across the hall, followed immediately by a loud pounding on the loft door.

"ROGER! ROGER DAVIS! YOU GET OUT HERE THIS ISTANT!" said the extremely pissed off voice.

"Go get 'em, buddy," Angel said, laughing, as she gave Roger a pat on the back.

Roger went over to answer the door. "Can I help you, Mrs. Gurwin?" he asked as innocently as he possibly could.

"I do believe _this_ belongs to you," she sneered, stepping aside to reveal Mark.

Roger looked him over for a second. "Nope, never seen him before in my life," he decided and shut the door in the pair's faces. "We definitely just scarred the old hag for life."

"Roger!" Mimi admonished. "You can't leave him out there!"

"Not even for a little while?" he asked with a puppy-dog look.

"Not even," she said. "Besides, if we leave him out there, no one else is going to get a chance to humiliate Marky."

"Fine," Roger huffed as he went back and reopened the door to find Mark standing there looking very distressed.

"I'm not sure what just happened but I'm not sure I want to know," he said, brushing past Roger and entering the loft. "Wait. Why am I naked?"

Roger quickly gathered up his clothes and threw them at him. "Your clothes were in the laundry."

Mark accepted that without a thought. "Oh, okay," he said. "So, what are we doing?"

"I have an idea."

* * *

**A/N: **I hope you all liked Angel's plan. As to who's gonna go next, I wanna know who you think/want it to be. Also, I'm willing to listen to any ideas you might have for them to do to Marky. Let me know! Thanks guys! 


	4. Mimi's Game

**A/N: **Yes, I haven't updated in forever. I'm getting worse and worse. But I apologize. But here it _finally_ is: the next plan in Operation: HMSBTHGPFWTAADSOR. I hope you enjoy and hope I made it worth the wait. Because you definitely won't have to wait, like, 7 months for the next installment. Especially if you can suggest evil ideas to torture Marky! so yeah, I'll guess I'll stop rambling and shamelessly plugging for reviews and just let you get on it with already...

**Disclaimer: **Still don't own RENT. Or the song used in the chapter. Although, I do suggest you listen to the song on youtube (don't own that either) or something when you get to the part. It'll add to the effect. Trust me.

* * *

Five heads turned slowly to find Mimi looking at Mark with an evil smirk playing on her lips. "What is it?" Joanne asked.

Mimi paused long enough for Mark to lose interest in their conversation and wander back into the kitchen, where he became preoccupied with trying to figure out how to put his pants back on. "I'll tell you, but first I think one of us should go out and get some more alcohol. As much as he's had, it _will_ still wear off eventually," she said logically, looking to her friends for support.

All five heads nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that's a good point," Collins said, representing the group.

"Okay, so…which one of us is going to go?" Mimi asked.

Maureen hugged Mark's camera close to her chest. "There is no way I'm stepping foot outside this loft. I don't want to miss one second of Mark's humiliation," she said shaking her head, causing her brown curls to fly out around her, hitting Roger in the face.

Spitting a piece of Maureen's hair out of his mouth, Roger spoke up, "I absolutely agree."

"I'll go," Angel volunteer, bounding over to the couch to grab her purse. "I already had my turn. Besides, we're getting it all on tape. I'll get to enjoy every second of it over and over…and over again," she said, laughing at the thought.

"Thanks, Angel!" Maureen exclaimed, wrapping Angel in a giant bear hug.

"No problemo, Chica," Angel said with a smile. "What kind of liquidy goodness do you want me to pick up?"

Maureen thought for moment. "Anything strong," she decided.

Angel grinned wickedly. "Oh, Mark is _so_ going to hate us in the morning!" she exclaimed right before she step out of the loft.

"Because of the humiliation?" Joanne asked.

Angel smirked. "Well, that…and that little white boy is going to have on hell of a hangover! I'll be back!" she announced before sliding the door shut behind her.

Maureen turned to the four left behind. "Angel has a point, you know," she said, her voice showing signs of concern. "It's all well and good to cause Mark emotional harm, but physical…?" she asked, trailing off.

"Please," Roger scoffed, unaffected. "He'll live."

Maureen bit her lip nervously. "You know, guys, maybe this isn't the best idea. We really don't want to hurt poor little Marky, do we?"

Mimi, Roger, Joanne, and Collin's jaws each fell open at the sudden humanity Maureen was showing. It wasn't normal.

Seeing the astounded looks on her friends' faces, Maureen's face broke out into a huge grin. "How weird would it be if I was actually like that?" she asked, laughing.

The others all laughed in relief when they realized she had been joking.

"Weird," Roger agreed.

Mimi shook her head. "Yeah, totally."

"I know, right?" Maureen said with a laugh. "Now, onto more drunken Marky fun! Go get 'em, Meems!" she exclaimed excitedly, pushing the dancer toward the blonde who had finally managed to redress himself and at the moment, was taking a great interest in his reflection shining from the window. He seemed to be quite impressed that the image would mimic whatever he was doing.

Mimi approached him carefully, not wanting to sneak up on him. "Hey, Mark?"

"Mimi!" he exclaimed gleefully, turning around and abandoning his "clone". "Hey! Your name is Mimi!" he announced loudly, giggling like a maniac.

A confused look crossed her face. "Umm…yeah. That's right," she asked, almost as a question.

Still giggling, Mark managed to squeak out. "The first two letters of your name are the same as the last two letters!" he said, clearly proud of his brilliance.

"Really? Are they?" Mimi asked excitedly, playing along. "I hadn't noticed before."

"That is _so _cool! I want a name like that!" he decided. "What would my name be?"

Mimi pursed her lips, thinking for a moment. "Umm…Mama?" she said finally.

Mark frowned. "That isn't as awesome as Mimi."

"Sorry," she said, shrugging apologetically.

"That's okay! Never fear, Mama is here!" he exclaimed brightly, flinging his arms out to the side and spinning around and around in circles like he was a helicopter.

"Okay," Mimi said, quickly catching his arms and stopping him. "Time to sit down before you break something, or, you know, yourself," she said, leading him to the couch.

She sat down and attempted to pull Mark down with her, only to have him end up sitting in her lap.

He stared at her for a moment and then ran his hand clumsily over her face. "You're pretty," he told her.

"Thank you," Mimi said quickly, wanting to keep things moving. "But, hey, Mama, guess what?" she asked, using Mark's newly acquired nickname.

Mark stared at her, confused. "What did you just call me?"

"Mama."

"You're my daughter?" he asked.

"What?" Now Mimi was getting just as confused as Mark was.

"You can't be my daughter because I'm pretty sure…," Mark trailed off, getting up from Mimi's lap so he could unbutton his jeans and take a peek in there. "Yup. I knew it! I have man parts. You wanna see?" he asked, ready to drop his pants once again.

Her hands flew to her eyes to prevent her from witnessing the horrific event all over again. "I'm all set with that, thank you. I got my fill of your 'man parts' a minute ago."

"What?" Mark asked, buttoning his pants up.

Mimi peered at him from behind her fingers. When she saw that the threat was over, she lowered. "Nothing," she said, dismissing the subject.

Feeling like she was getting nowhere with Mark, she looked to her friends for help. They simply nodded at her, urging her to continue.

Deciding she would just plunge right in, she said, "So I was at work the other day-"

"You work at the Kitty Cat Club!" Mark interrupted.

"Right," Mimi said, ignoring him so she could continue. "So anyway, when I was there, I saw a flyer that announcing auditions for singers/dancers to be on a new talent show on MTV," she said, eyeing the others to see their reactions. She smiled to herself when she saw varying looks of anticipation.

"I wanna be on MTV!" Mark exclaimed.

She grinned, so far so good. "I had a feeling you would say that. All you have to do is send in a tape of you dancing."

"We could use my camera!" Mark offered excitedly, falling right into the trap she was setting.

Maureen took a step forward. "Already a step ahead of you, Marky," she said, showing him that she already had the camera ready to go.

"Go you!" he shouted, unaware that his precious camera had already been being used for the last 15 or so minutes.

Mark bounced back onto the couch. "Can I dance to _The Little Mermaid_?! That would be SO awesome! Go me!" he shouted, waving his hands in the air, cheering.

"What is with his obsession with _The Little Mermaid_?" Collins asked softly to Roger as the pair watched Mark and Mimi's interactions."

"He has a sexual fetish for mermaids," Roger answered immediately, still watching the filmmaker and the dancer.

"Dude, how do you even _know _that?" Collins asked, his face twisting into a look of repulsion. "And besides, don't mermaids have _tails_? As in…no…," Collins paused, looking for the right wording for his thought. "…womanly parts that are mechanically necessary to, well…you know."

Roger turned to face his insurgent friend. "Don't ask, don't tell, man," he said, his voice indicating that he knew way more than he wanted to, and didn't want to spread this information to anyone else, as it may prove to be too gruesome.

"Got it," Collins said quickly and the two refocused, both shaking horrific images from their minds.

Mimi was still trying to get Mark, who was shimmying around the couch humming "Under Da Sea", to go along with her envisioned plan. "Actually, Mark, there is a specific song…" she said hesitating, a new idea coming to her. "… and costume required for the auditions," she finished, pulling Mark back down onto the couch, putting the kibosh on his dancing as she sent an evil look to the others. "I picked up a tape and the outfit at work yesterday. Just let me run down to my apartment and get it."

And with that, Mimi ran out of the loft, brushing past Angel, who was returning just as Mimi was leaving, carrying a large, brown, paper bag.

Angel watched Mimi run down the stairs for a moment, before she turned to the others. "What's going on?" she asked.

Joanne glanced at Mark to make sure he wasn't paying attention to her before she answered. He wasn't. He had resumed his "Under Da Sea" shimmy-shake and took things a step further by actually attempting the words.

Satisfied, Joanne answered. "Mimi told Mark MTV has holding auditions for a new talent show. She just went down to her apartment to get the 'required' costume," she said, making air-quotes with her fingers.

Angel's eyes grew wide. "This is not going to end well."

"I know!" Maureen exclaimed, clapping her hands together excitedly. "And that's what makes it so fun!" she squealed.

"What did you get from the store, Ang?" Roger asked.

Angel smiled, digging in the bag so she could pull out the prize. "Tequila," she said, with a short laugh. "I figured it was working pretty well for us so far. Why mess with a good thing?"

"Good thinking," Maureen approved.

Angel curtsied, laughing. "Thanks!"

"Oh, Marky!" Mimi exclaimed, throwing open the door to the loft. "I have a present for you!" she said in a sing-songy voice, waving a bag in the air.

Mark stopped shimmying and immediately plopped down on the floor. "It's my birthday?!" he asked excitedly.

Mimi's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Well, uh…no," she admitted. "But come here anyway."

She hurried over to him, pulled him up off the floor, and dragged him into his bedroom, letting the door slam shut behind her.

The remaining 5 looked at each other with raised eyebrows. They had no idea what was going on. Especially when sounds of Mark grunting in pain came emitting through the door.

Finally, the door opened just enough for Mimi to slip out and then re-shutting it, keeping Mark in his room. "What is God's name just went down in there, Meems?" Angel asked, actually worried.

Mimi just shrugged off her friend's concern. "Let's just say it's a good thing Mark is tiny for a guy. Otherwise, things would have gotten ugly," she said as she walked across the room and climbed up onto the kitchen counter, taking Roger's tape player with her.

"I have a feeling things are going to be ugly anyway. Do you have any idea the type of 'costumes' Mimi has?" Angel asked aloud.

"Oh, I am well aware," Roger said with a smirk.

"Unfortunately…me too," Collins said.

"Hey! You do realize I can hear you, right?" Mimi asked, although not really offended. "Whatever," she said letting it go. "Hey, Rog? Can you get the lights?"

When her boyfriend obliged, Mimi, who had dug a flashlight out of her purse, turned it on and held it toward Mark's door, creating a spotlight. "Without any further ado, ladies, gentlemen, and Angel," she said, with a giggle. "…singing "Big Spender" from the hit Broadway musical, _Sweet Charity_, I present to you…Mr…Mark…Cohen!" she said, hitting "play" on the tape player.

As he first few pulsating beats of the song played, the door to Mark's bedroom opened a crack and a lone, bare leg appeared, sliding up and down the door in an attempt at being sexy. Well, I guess, technically, it wasn't "bare" because it was clad in black, fishnets, and a strappy stiletto, but you get the idea.

Then, the door flung open to reveal Mark, standing there in all his glory. Besides the fishnets and the stilettos, he had on what could only be described as a black, lacy, one-piece corset, complete with fringe hanging off around the waist and tiny, red rose buttons going down the middle. Oh, and to top it all off, he had on a top hat.

"The minute you walked in the joint," Mark began singing, as he did a "wall-slide". "I could see you were a man of distinction," he continued. However, he had gone to low on his slide and fell right over onto his back.

Not to be deterred, like the trooper he was, he continued. "A real big spender," he sang while still on his back, throwing in a pelvic thrust for good measure.

Finally turning over onto all fours her continued, "Good looking, so refined," he sang as he crawled his way over to his friends, Mimi keeping the "spotlight" on him the whole time. "Say, wouldn't you like to know what's going on in my mind?"

By this point, he had reached the group. "So, let me get right to the point," he sang, reaching up and grabbing Roger's waistband.

Roger's eyes widened in horror, but much to his relief, and I'm sure to the relief of everyone present, Mark simply needed something to hold onto so he could get himself up off the floor so he could keep singing. "I don't pop my cork for every guy I see," he sang, patting Roger on the butt.

"Hey, big spender!" he continued, shaking his hips furiously, causing the fringe to his costume to fly. "Spend...a little time with me!" he sang, "sexily" taking off his hat and putting on Roger before turning around so his back was to his roommate.

"Do you wanna have fun fun fun? How's about a few laughs laughs?" Mark warbled, throwing down a "booty-pop" on the funs and the laughs.

Meanwhile, Maureen, Mimi, Joanne, Collins, and Angel were all in hysterics while poor Roger could do nothing but subject himself to Mark's private dance. He did, however, throw a hand over his eyes and send up a silent prayer for his torture to end.

Thankfully, or unthankfully if you were enjoying the scene as Maureen, Mimi, Joanne, Collins and Angel was, "Big Spender" was a short song and after a couple of minutes of booty-drop, pelvic thrusts, and high kicks, it was all over.

"Hey big spender! Spend…a little time with me!" Mark finished loudly (and off-key) with a flourish of jazz-hands and hip-shimmys.

Everyone applauded loudly, except for Roger, who sprinted to the kitchen to look for any implement that would aid in the gouging of his eyes.

Mark, hearing the applause, seemed to realize for the first time how much attention was on him. He flushed red with embarrassment, but took a little bow, acknowledging his "fans" and scurried off to a corner of the loft. He must have noticed the fringe on his hips again, because after playing with it for a few moments, resumed his game of "helicopter" that he had started earlier, and giggled like a maniac when he saw the fringe flying out around him.

"That. Was. Priceless." Maureen had trouble speaking between the huge, guffawing laughs emitting from her mouth.

The others could only nod their heads in agreement, for they, too, were too busy laughing to say anything.

"Speak for yourself," Roger mumbled grouchily, still upset at the torture he was submitted to. "I thought the idea of this game was to humiliate Mark, not me."

"Aww, honey, I'm sorry," Mimi said, sliding off the counter and going over to give her boyfriend a hug. "It was just too good to pass up. I had no idea he would target you like that. And just remember…it's all going to be worth it in the morning."

Maureen had stopping laughing long enough to join the pair. "She's absolutely right, Roger. This has got to be the most brilliant plan I have ever come up with!" she said in total Maureen fashion, aka: not humbly at all.

"Well, that's because you haven't heard my plan."


End file.
